Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest – ALAN PARTRIDGE

There is no one better than Alan Partridge to join me for this.

 At the famous lunch with Tony Hayers at the start of I'm Alan Partridge, when he pitches his ideas for a new TV show, including “Monkey Tennis”, Alan orders a pasta meal and, not knowing the name of farfalle, asks for ‘action man bow ties’. Later, he steals the cheese from the restaurant before running out.

This meal uses farfalle and cheese in his honour. 

CHEESY BOW TIES

Ingredients

250g dried farfalle

180g ‘Philadelphia’ or similar soft cheese

100g grated cheddar

1 onion, chopped

150g mushrooms, finely sliced

Salt and black pepper

4 slices vegetarian bacon-style rashers, defrosted if frozen

1tbsp olive oil

40g butter

100ml milk

Serves 2 as a main meal or up to 4 as a snack

Method

Heat salted water in a saucepan and cook pasta according to packet instructions.

Heat oil and butter in a large pan.

Fry onions gently until soft, then add mushrooms and fry until soft and just beginning to brown.

In a separate pan, fry the ‘bacon’ until crisp. Cut into postage stamp size pieces. 

Then mix in with mushroom mixture.

Spoon all the soft cheese into pan and add a little milk to soften.

Mix in the cheese and season.

Drain the pasta. Add it to the cheese sauce, stirring it through until completely covered.

Serve in small bowls as a snack or on a larger plate as a main meal.

SOFT CHEESE AND CUCUMBER COBS

Serves 4 as a light snack (1 each)

4 cobs (bread rolls)

140g/ 5oz soft cheese (or thereabouts – this equates to 8 ‘triangles’)

butter or butter spread

¼ large cucumber

salt and pepper

Slice each cob in half and spread lightly with butter (or substitute). This is an important step – do not neglect this as it enables the cheese to be the filling.

Share the soft cheese between each.

Slice the cucumber as thinly as you can and place on each half. Season with salt and pepper.

Re-assemble each cob and cut into two.

DEAR LITTLE POTATO ROASTIES

I am calling these ‘dear’ in memory of my grandmother, Doris Brock, because she would always say that anything small and appealing was ‘dear’. She was, however, quite a formidable character. She was known to give unsought advice to people in department stores; one example being, “Don’t buy that, you’ll look like a leprechaun,” to a woman looking at a green dress. She also responded to my Mum’s new hairstyle with the (now oft-quoted) phrase: “Are you getting ready for Halloween?” But let’s not forget that she was also a young woman during World War II, raising a baby daughter while her husband was on active service. I remember staying with her for a whole week each summer and loving the time we spent together. This year she would have been 100.

DEAR LITTLE POTATO ROASTIES

Ingredients

About 4 large potatoes

3tbsp olive oil (or any other oil of choice) 

2tsp salt

Serves 2 (or more if a smaller portion)

Method

Peel potatoes and chop into small pieces.

Put in a bowl of cold water and leave for at least half an hour.

Heat oven to 220˚C/ Gas 7 and put oil into a large baking tray. Preheat oil for about 5 minutes.

Drain potatoes and place in tray.

Roast for about 20 minutes. Sprinkle salt over and then turn.

Roast for a further 20 minutes.

If brown and crispy, serve right away. (Roast for an extra 10 minutes if needed). 

Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest - STUART LITTLE

Well, you cook for a couple of Disney Dogs and, before you know it, an animated mouse is knocking at the door demanding dinner. In this case, however, Zelda was happy to oblige.

Stuart began life in a 1954 children's novel by EB White. Incidentally, I would love have a bit of a chinwag with Elwyn Brooks White. I would ask him how he could make such a fuss of saving Wilbur in Charlotte's Web, but place it in the context of a novel where pig farming and its consequences are seen as acceptable. Don't get me wrong; I am glad that Wilbur was saved, but what about all the others on the farm? I am not a militant vegetarian: I don't campaign against meat eating and I cook my veggie dishes to tempt carnivores, not to judge them, but I don't see how Elwyn can have it both ways.

That aside, let's get back to Stuart who is a loveable little character who found further fame again at the end of the 1990s with a series of films, loosely based (but actually improving on) his adventures in print.

We know that mice love cheese, so I think that Stuart would be quite happy with this.

CHEESY LEEK PASTA BAKE

250g/ 8oz fusilli
2 leeks, chopped
1 small onion, chopped finely
100g/ 3½oz cheddar cheese, grated
25ml /1floz milk
25g/ 1oz butter
25g/ 1oz plain flour
100ml/ 3½floz vegetable stock
100ml/ 3½floz double cream (replace with milk for a lighter meal)
100g/ 3½oz breadcrumbs
1tbsp olive oil

Preheat oven to 200C/ Gas 6
Cook pasta according to packet instructions.

Meanwhile, heat oil in a large pan and fry onion and leek until soft.

Add vegetable stock.
In a separate pan, heat butter and add flour to make a roux. 

Gradually add milk (and cream if using). Add to leeks.
Add 50g cheese and mix well until melted.

Drain pasta and add to leeks, stirring well.

Place in oven-proof dish and spread breadcrumbs and rest of cheese over the top.

Cook in oven for about 25 minutes.

Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest – NOEL COWARD

Noel Coward – what a genius! I love Private Lives. I have a CD version and play it whenever I need a boost.

Coward was a playwright, actor, director, author, composer, singer, cabaret performer, etc., etc. His wit was renowned and, although now often parodied, was unique at the time.

Here is his wonderful rendition of Mad Dogs and Englishmen:

And here is (the also wonderful) Neil Hannon’s version of I Went to a Marvellous Party:

In 1935 Coward wrote a short play called Red Peppers which was part of a ten-play cycle known as Tonight at 8:30. He performed in it himself, alongside Gertrude Lawrence. I think that if he came to dinner he might appreciate me cooking something with red peppers as a main ingredient. It would appease his legendary ego.

When choosing my dish, I did wonder at first whether it might be too familiar and not flamboyant enough, but then I thought that Coward was always one to take the obvious and elevate it, so I would serve this – but with champagne!

Actually, with this tart you can’t fail to impress, however ordinary it is.

This is one of the easiest veggie mains you will ever find. Something similar crops up in many cookery books, but this is my even simpler version.

One of the problems that I have found in the past is that the filling makes the pastry soggy. This method should take care of that.

ROASTED RED PEPPER TART

Ingredients

1 sheet pre-rolled puff pastry

1 red pepper

1 red onion

2tbsp olive oil

2tbsp tomato ketchup

1 ball mozzarella

1tsp dried mixed herbs

Serves 4

Method

Deseed the red pepper and chop into chunks.

Peel the red onion and cut into wedges.

Place both in an oven proof dish. Coat with the olive oil. 
Roast at 200˚C/ Gas 6 for about 15-20 minutes until soft. Keep oven on at same heat.

Meanwhile unroll the puff pastry, retaining the paper. Allow to rest for a few minutes. Then, cut into quarters, doing the same with the baking paper the pastry was wrapped in. 

Score along two sides of each rectangle and fold the strips over to the opposite corner. 
Then repeat with the other sides. This sounds complicated but it isn’t, and don't try to make it look too 'neat'. 

Place each on a paper rectangle and put all four on a baking rack, on top of a baking tray. Heat in same oven as peppers for 5 minutes then remove and allow to cool for a few minutes.

Coat the base of each tart with ketchup and sprinkle with the mixed herbs.

Rinse the mozzarella and allow to dry.
When the peppers and onions are cooked, drain and dry on kitchen paper. 

Then, scatter over the tarts making sure you have an even distribution.

Tear the mozzarella into chunks and place it around the onion and pepper.

Heat in the oven for 20-25 minutes until the pastry edges and mozzarella are lightly browned.

Carefully remove from the paper and serve immediately. 

SWAN SONG – A Meal for Johnny Cash

Zelda had planned to test just three recipes for the Columbo Cookbook project by Jenny at Silver Screen Suppers (there is still one to come) but then she saw that there was a Johnny Cash one on offer and couldn’t resist trying it too. Johnny made it with beef or venison, so this is an ‘extra’ test recipe, adapted for vegetarians.
The concerts Johnny Cash did at Folsom and San Quentin are amazing.

The Context

I have to declare an interest.
 I just LOVE Johnny Cash and all his music. 

In 1974 he starred as gospel singer Tommy Brown in the Columbo episode Swan Song.

The Recipe and my Variations

The recipe is an adaptation of Johnny’s own, as written down by his son John Carter Cash and seen in Jenny's post here.

My job was to make it vegetarian. I intended to do this twice, once with just the veg and the again with meat substitutes, but I combined the two.

I looked at all sorts of variations for the steak element but felt that it all came down to having meaty chunks amongst the beans and mince, so I tried it with the ‘common or garden’ veggie burgers and it worked beautifully. Basically the ‘meaty’ taste would be lost amongst the spices, anyway.

I halved ingredients where possible or chose smaller versions (i.e. 1 small onion).

Cooking this in April we had no new peppers ready but plenty of home-grown peppers from last year in the freezer.

The ¼ cup of chilli powder seemed excessive. I used 1tsp and it was quite hot enough, thank you.

I also combined the cup/ gram/ tablespoon measurements of the other spices, linking them all into the neat little ‘spoon system’.

I used dried herbs (sage, oregano) although in the summer they would be fresh.

It’s not easy to get small cans of beans in the UK so I bought full ones and just used half. (Later I used the rest to make bean burgers.)

The beer caused a great deal of discussion between someone who knows nothing about it and someone who knows an awful lot. 

In the end, we thought it would be best to look for something American and my Man in Black  was quite impressed with what I found (taste-wise) Price-wise it gave him the Johnny Cash sneer!

Although it says 'lager' it was more like a bitter (or so I am told). 

I had to reorder some of the method and ingredients because veggie mince is dry and needs moisture and flavour enhancements. This meant adding a bit of stock, but it also meant that I could forgo the ‘fry, set aside and drain fat off’ stage.

I fried the peppers a bit at the start to make them softer but didn’t keep raw onion and garlic to add part-way through.

Because some beans had to be drained and some not, I specified this in the ingredients list.

Ingredients

225g vegetarian mince

2 vegetarian burgers

1 small onion, chopped finely

2 cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed

1tbsp rapeseed oil

1 large tin (400g) chopped tomatoes

200ml vegetable stock

½ green pepper, chopped

½ red pepper, chopped

2 jalapeno peppers, deseeded and chopped very small

1 cayenne pepper, deseeded and chopped

2tsp chilli seasoning

Salt and black pepper

1tsp chilli powder

1tsp cumin

1tsp sage

1tsp oregano

½ tbsp cayenne pepper

½ 400g can black beans, drained and rinsed

½ 400g can pinto beans, drained and rinsed

½ 400g can kidney beans in chilli sauce

½ 400g can kidney beans, drained and rinsed

170ml beer (this is half a bottle) – Dave drank the rest

12g sugar

Handful of self-raising cornmeal (made from 60g cornflour 20g plain flour, 1tsp baking powder, pinch of salt) 

Cooking

If the veggie burgers are frozen, defrost them first (just enough to be able to chop them into chunks).

Then, heat the oil in a pan and begin to cook the onion and peppers.

Then add the veggie burgers and fry until they are browned.

Add the garlic and stir until it has started to turn golden.

Pour in the tomatoes and add the veggie mince.

Pour over 200ml vegetable stock, mix well and heat to a brisk simmer.

Then add the herbs and spices: chilli seasoning, salt and pepper, chilli powder, cumin, sage, oregano and cayenne pepper (This is apparently, the order according to Johnny.) Taste and adjust spicing if necessary.

Add the beans to the mixture and adjust the spicing again.

When it is to your liking, pour in the beer and add the sugar.

Simmer for at least 30 minutes.

Uncover, add a handful of the cornmeal and stir it in.

Serving

Ooh this made a lot of chilli! I put it in a big bowl and gave us individual bowls to put spoonfuls in. We ate it with crackers (which were very useful to counteract some of the heat).

The Verdict

I had a bit of a panic when I looked at the ingredient list but it is very much a ‘chuck it in’ recipe which made it really easy after all.

My resident Man it Black thought that it was about the right level of spiciness, but to me it ‘burned, burned, burned’ and a dollop of sour cream or plain yogurt would have been a welcome addition to the table.

Just like Jenny, I halved Johnny’s original ingredients and it would definitely serve six. Dave and I ate it on the evening I cooked it, then we gave a portion away and froze the rest.

The Experience

This was fantastic fun. I played Johnny Cash songs as I cooked and we loved the episode. I insisted on being called ‘June’ all evening, too.


Johnny can come for chilli at any time...