Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest – EDWARD G ROBINSON

Edward G Robinson, originally Emmanuel Goldenberg from Romania, became famous for playing the tough guy in the early gangster films.

 Although apparently, quiet and sensitive in real life, he could command a menacing screen presence, never more so than in the fabulous ‘Little Caesar’ one of my favourite films of all time.

The New York restaurants the wise guys frequented in the early gangster films seemed to serve nothing but Spaghetti Bolognese. So if Eddie came to dinner, I would like him to feel at home. 

This is a very quick and easy recipe. I even cheat by using ketchup instead of tomato puree. It may not be for purists but I have never had any complaints when I have served it.

VEGGIE SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE

Serves 2 – 3

Ingredients

300g/10½oz quorn mince, frozen

15ml/1tbsp olive oil

1 onion, peeled and chopped
2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed
2 fresh tomatoes, chopped

7floz/ 200ml warm water from the kettle

1 large can chopped tomatoes

30ml/2tbsp tomato ketchup

10ml/ 2tsp dried mixed herbs or a handful of fresh (even better) 

10ml/ 2tsp vegetarian gravy granules

100g spaghetti

Method

Heat oil in a large pan. Fry onion until almost soft. Then add garlic and cook for a couple more minutes until both are golden but not burnt.






Stir in the chopped tomatoes. Then add the quorn mince, just as it is so that it sits on the top.

Put 2 tbsp tomato ketchup into the empty tomato tin and fill almost to the top with warm water from the kettle. (Don't use boiling water as you will burn your hands when you touch the tin.) 



Give a quick stir and then pour over the top of the mince which will help it to defrost and break down. 
Add the gravy granules and stir

Turn up the heat a bit until it all bubbles, then reduce to a simmer. 



Chop the herbs finely.

Add the herbs to the pan with the fresh tomato and season.

Allow to simmer for at least 10 minutes. I usually make this well in advance and allow it to sit for a bit to absorb the flavours. (But if I'm in a rush, 10 minutes is fine.)

When ready to serve

Cook spaghetti according to instructions, in a pan of salted boiling water.
Make sure the bolognese is piping hot.

Place spaghetti around the edge of the plate and serve the bolognese inside it.

Sprinkle with cheese or basil leaves if you wish. 

Either sprinkle over some finely grated hard cheese like Parmesan (vegetarian versions are available) or roughly grate some cheddar.

Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest - DIRTY HARRY

I love the scene in Dirty Harry where Harry Callahan mops up a bank robbery with a hot dog in hand; the first time he utters the immortal phrase,“I know what you’re thinking…” 

So, if Harry came to dinner, we would have hot dogs (and then maybe, intimidate some ‘punks’).

Now, I know what you're thinking: how can hot dogs make a suitable 'dinner'? My answer would be that Harry wouldn't care about folded napkins or scented candles. He would love a woman who could put a tasty snack on the table with a bottle of squeezy mustard and a beer. 

HOT DOGS AND ONIONS

Important Point:

There are several options for the vegetarian hot dog sausages:
1 - using vegetarian hot dog sausages (usually in the supermarket frozen cabinet)
2 - using sausages made from a meat substitute such as Quorn
3 - using vegetable sausages made from e.g carrots/ peas 
I would not suggest using the ones made from vegetables as they tend to be quite crumbly. Vegetable protein or Quorn makes a more realistic sausage for this iconic American snack.
I have, therefore, made it two ways.
(Remember that this is an 'indoor' dish. Hot dogs on an outdoor barbecue are something else entirely and usually make you end up with black teeth.)

Serves 2 - 4 depending on how hungry you are/ who is eating with you.
Ingredients
4 hot dog rolls
4 sausages - use either frozen vegetarian hot dog sausages (which look like frankfurters) or Quorn sausages
3 medium onions (red or white depending upon your preference), peeled and chopped roughly, or sliced thinly
2tbsp oil (possibly 3tbsp - see below)
2tbsp vinegar (I usually use balsamic or red wine vinegar but malt vinegar will do)
2tbsp sugar (caster sugar works best with white/onions; brown is best with red onions)

Method

First start the onions 
The longer you allow for these to cook, the better they will be.

Heat 2tbsp oil in a pan and add onions.

Allow to soften and then add the sugar. 
Stir until all are covered. Pour in half of the vinegar. 

Turn the heat right down until it looks as though it has almost gone off.

Keep an eye and stir at regular intervals. 
When all the first half of vinegar has been absorbed, add the rest.

Keep turning gently until they are soft and sweet.

Cook the sausages
If using hot dog sausages, put them in a pan of boiling water and heat for about 3 minutes.
If using Quorn sausages, defrost if frozen. Heat 1tbsp oil and then fry sausages until browned on all sides. 

Prepare the rolls 

This is usually just a case of splitting them down the middle. Some people will put spread on them but it really isn't necessary. 

Assemble

The trick is to have everything ready at the same time so you can put it all together in a hurry.


Open up a roll, place a sausage in the middle and cover with onions.

Serve with ketchup and/ or squeezy mustard.

So enjoy... and here's Harry!

TRY AND CATCH ME – A meal for Ruth Gordon

Zelda's latest test recipe for The Columbo Cookbook, the current project by Jenny at Silver Screen Suppers, is Ruth Gordon’s Zucchini Omelet

The Context

Ruth Gordon (1896 – 1985) was an American actress whose voice was almost as recognisable as her face. She began performing as a beautiful 19 year old, but is best known for her roles in later life, such as her scene-stealing part in Rosemary’s Baby.

She appeared in the 1977 Columbo episode Try and Catch Me, playing a famous crime novelist who thinks that she has the skills at her fingertips to outwit The Lieutenant.

Ruth’s original recipe can be found here.

The Recipe and my Variations

(A note on terms used: I have kept with zucchini, rather than the usual courgette of English cooking because it felt rude to alter the title of the dish. Similarly, I have retained omelet, although we would more often see it in a menu today as omelette.)

As with the other Columbo recipes, which may have been written many years ago, I have adapted the ingredients list slightly so as to make it more representative of the items you would put on your shopping list now.

I have also made the method more comprehensive in case not everyone knows how to cook “as for omelet”, a charming and optimistic assumption made by Ruth.

The recipe said it served 2 and included 4 eggs, so rather than making one huge omelet and then cutting it in half, I decided – as the cooking process is speedy anyway – to split the ingredients and cook twice.

Ruth doesn’t specify why she uses so much butter. Jenny suggested halving the amount. I think 10g is suitable for a single omelet but because I made two (see above) I adjusted the ingredients list in line with this and changed it to 20g.

I started the cooking process with the peppers as they need a little longer than the other ingredients.

Another change I made was in grating the zucchini. It allowed me to add texture and also to remove some of the moisture before cooking.

I also seasoned the beaten eggs rather than waiting until the end.

Ingredients

Serves 2

20g butter

1 medium zucchini (courgette) (makes about 150g or 1 cup when grated)

½ medium onion (makes about 50g or 3 tbsp when chopped)

½ medium green pepper (makes about about 50g or 3tbsp when chopped)

1 large stalk celery (makes about 40g or 3tbsp when chopped)

4 free range eggs

Cooking

Prepare the ingredients

Grate the zucchini. Place above a bowl in a piece of absorbent kitchen roll or a tea towel. Wring this out until you have removed as much water from the zucchini as you can.

Peel and dice the onion.
Finely chop the celery.

Wash, dry and dice the green pepper.

Crack 2 eggs into a dish and beat well. Season with salt and pepper. Then repeat for the other 2 in a separate bowl.

Make the Omelets

Warm two plates

Melt 10g of the butter in a shallow pan until it bubbles.

Add the half the pepper and sauté for a few minutes. Then add half of each of the zucchini, onion, pepper and celery and continue to sauté until tender.

Add 2 of the beaten eggs and move the pan around to ensure they cover evenly. As the eggs begin to set, push cooked parts into the centre and allow any liquid to run to the edges until all is set. 

Allow it to just slightly brown on the bottom.

Fold in half and slide onto a warmed plate.

Repeat with the rest of the ingredients.

Serving

How you eat this will very much depend upon when you eat it.

Although you could have it on its own, it would make an excellent lunch with a light salad. Or it can be part of a more substantial dinner.

The Verdict

Because I kept as close as I could to the original amounts when preparing the ingredients, I found that I used half a pepper and onion. This is not a problem; I just put the rest in the fridge ready to join the salad for tomorrow’s lunch. It did strike me, however, that that it would be so easy to make four omelets by doubling the amounts and using up all the veg.
Because there was such a lot of filling, I would also be inclined to make each omelet with three, rather than two, eggs.

The Experience

As stated above, this is very versatile and can make a lovely lunch.

We, however, had it for an evening meal. Dave persuaded me that oven chips and baked beans were ‘the way forward’ so this is how we ate our omelets, with the requisite episode on the television and trays on our laps. 
And yes, it was a lovely evening!

Autobiographical Footnote: After agreeing to test this one, I noticed the inclusion of celery. I have had a chequered relationship with celery. The truth is that I lived on it for about a week when I was in my teens and wanted to fit into some particularly clingy jeans. My Mum had told me that they looked a bit ‘clipped’ which is a lovely euphemism for “Yes it does!” so, hearing that the process of eating celery actually burned up its own calorie content, I made it the sole ingredient of every meal every day for a week. I wore and felt comfortable in the jeans, but I have not been able to enjoy celery since. I never buy it and only eat it if it is a ‘hidden ingredient’ in a meal. This left me with a dilemma: should it stay or should it go? Reader, I cooked with it. Never let anyone say that cooking is not a cathartic experience.

THE GUESTS

Adrian Mole 

A E Housman 
Agatha Christie
Alan Partridge  

Amelia Peabody
Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh

Atticus Finch 

Baldrick 
Basil Fawlty
Bela Lugosi

Billy Joel 

Boating Party, The

Bob Cratchit

Bobby Farrell
Brian Clough

Buck Hannassey 
Captain Kronos
Chandler 

Charles Anthony Bruno 

Chris Bavin
Christian Slater   
Christina Rossetti

Count Dracula 
Country Joe McDonald
Courtney Love 
Crispian Mills 
Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Dallas Alice
Dean Martin 

Dennis Quaid
D H Lawrence

Dieter Roth
Dirty Harry 
Django

Dodo McIntosh

Donald Pleasence

Dr Seuss
Ebenezer Scrooge 
Edward G Robinson

Edward Hopper 
Elizabeth Forbes  

Elizabeth von Armin
Elsie Wright 

Eudora Welty

Frank Sinatra  
Gary Rhodes

Gene Hackman

George Gordon
George Hamilton 

George Michael

George Orwell
Grace Slick
Gram Parsons

Guy Clark 

Hank Williams 

Harriet Vane  
Hayley Mills
Hector Elizondo 
Huckleberry Finn

Hugh Laurie

Humphrey Bogart

Jack Kerouac
Jack Lemmon 

Jack Rimmer
Jackie Cooper

Jacques Brel 

Jake Gittes
James Dean 
James Russell Lowell 

James Taylor

Jamie Foxx 
Janis Joplin 
Jayne Meadows Allen
Jem Merlyn

Jett Rink 
Jimi Hendrix 
Joan Leslie
Joe Ely 
Joe Cocker
John Clay
John Cooper Clarke

John Wayne 

Johnny Cash 
Jonathan Harker
Jules Winnfield

Karen Carpenter 
Kenickie

Kevin Bacon 
Kiefer Sutherland
L S Lowry 
Lady and the Tramp

Laura Ingalls Wilder
Laurie Lee

Lawrence Harvey 

Lisa 'Left-Eye' Lopez

Loie Fuller

Lord Byron
Lost Boys, The
Mae West 

Marc Bolan
Marcel Pagnon
Marlon Brando
Marsaud Family, The  

Mary Lennox
Matthew Perry

Michael Portillo

Mike Fisher
Miss Jean Brodie
Mole and Ratty 

Morrissey
Mr Collins

Mr Knightley
Mr Rochester
Mr Toad

Mrs Tiggywinkle

Nicole Diver

Nick Rhodes
Nigel Clough

Noel Coward

Owl and the Pussycat, The 
P J Harvey

P K Dubey
Peter's Friends
Phileas Fogg
Prince  

Richard Beckinsale

Richard Nixon

Richey Edwards 
Ringo Kid, The  

River Phoenix

Robert Doisneau  
Roger Federer
Ronnie Drew 

Rosamunde Pilcher
Ross Poldark
Rumpole of the Bailey

Rupert Brooke

Ruth Gordon 
Sammy Davis Jnr 

Sidney Poitier

Simon le Bon
Stuart Little 

Sylvia Plath

Thomas Shelby

Three Men in a Boat
Tom Powers
Tom Waits 
Topol

Tracey Emin

Twits, The

Vincent Price

Wallace and Gromit 
Walter Matthau

Wilfred Owen

Will Scarlet
William Wordsworth 
Winston Smith
Young Guns

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Fantasy Veggie Dinner Guest - WALTER MATTHAU

Walter Matthau gave superb performances in The Fortune Cookie, JFK and The Taking of Pelham One Two Three. My favourite, however, is The Odd Couple where his portrayal of Oscar is perfectly complemented by Jack Lemmon's Felix.

Here, at a card party he is serving refreshments:-

Oscar: Who wants food? I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Which one do you want?

Murray: What’s the green?

Oscar: It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.

Murray: I’ll take the brown.

I would make him this veggie version of a classic, so that he could enjoy a really tasty sandwich.

CLUB SANDWICH

Serves 1 (but can easily be multiplied to serve more)

3 rashers vegetarian bacon

3 slices bread

3 tbsp mayonnaise

4 large crisp lettuce leaves

2 Quorn turkey-style slices

1 tomato, sliced thinly

salt and black paper

If bread is very soft it will be better toasted. If so, do this first.

Spread one side of each slice with mayonnaise.

Arrange two lettuce leaves on one slice of bread and season.

Place two turkey-style slices on top of the lettuce. 

Top with another slice of bread, mayonnaise side up.

Arrange remaining lettuce leaves on top and add tomato slices.

Fry 'bacon' rashers.

Cut ‘bacon’ rashers to fit and place on top of tomato.

Cover with final slices of bread, mayonnaise side down.

Cut in half and pierce with long toothpicks to keep it all together.